The blue prius with a hula Jesus on the dash if that helps. I think half of New York is blue priuses now. What happened while I was gone? Did Toyota stage a coup in Detroit?
[And the uber is outta there. Not sticking around if Iron Man's around; that dude's trouble.]
I... uh...
[You know what else sucks about tight jeans? Can't tuck a phone into them without feeling like you need to readjust for circulation again. Can't readjust for circulation when Iron Man's waiting for an answer. Just gonna... lamely hang on to that phone.]
If I have to explain the joke, it's not funny anymore.
[Wanna know what sucks more than that? Having a best friend that disappears for two years and ends up kissing someone and won’t tell you who that someone is like it’s some super big secret that best friends don’t get to share.]
Sure it is. We all want a chance to laugh, Banner.
[Do you know what it’s like to be a genius and out of the loop? Oh. Don’t answer that if you’ve suffenly gained telepathy, Doc.]
[You are a precious, precious man, Banner. That twinkle in Tony’s jaded eye proves it.]
Different double consonant than what I was initially thinking. Good. I thought I was about to be told that there’s a Mrs. Banner fresh off of the boat from Asgard. That would have ruined the whole bro thing we have going on. Chicks do that.
[Do not bring up Pepper. Do not bring up Pepper. Also, don’t launch yourself into a black hole even if that would be really scientifically interesting considering you can’t ever die.]
Plus, I didn’t get a wedding present. Hope you brought gloves. Hang on, we’re going down.
[Tony's really lucky that Bruce actually likes him a lot, even if he's a terrible influence.]
I did meet a Valkyrie, but it's not that kind of thing.
[Not touching the Pepper subject. Not going near it with a ten foot pole. It's enough to know she's not dead. They can repress together.]
Hey, wait. [But no. They're going down and he's just going to hang on because falling carries the risk of no more Banner ever. Tony can just talk physics with Hulk and see how that goes.] Shouldn't we wait for someone? SHIELD or something?
Yeah. We should wait for SHIELD says no one ever anymore.
[Oh right. Banner’s been in space with Space Valkyries and Loki for the last two years so he has about zero clues about what’s going on. Welp, good thing they don’t have to pay attention while sitting through some AIM left over experiments uncovered in a totally on purpose fire so they can carry on conversation.]
Wow. You have no idea why Rogers and I divorced and I took the house. Okay. So I was right. And he was a big crybaby. I didn’t over react over his no longer dead Manchuria Candidate friend.
[And that’s all the explanation you’re getting because of ‘met a Valkyrie’ like that’s normal.]
It's not like I have a lot of love for SHIELD, but maybe you can give me a little more than--
Huh.
[That blast door barely looks singed and the access pad looks intact, so he's going to stand aside and let the guy with the onboard electronics handle it.]
Anyway, if you're going to keep talking like that, I'm going to need a hint about which encryption method you're using. I've been out of my head for two years and I don't speak fluent Stark anymore.
[Oh good. Now the guy with the onboard electronics systems is sad. And that means less fines and more repulsive blast to the panel. Works just as well. And it makes him feel a little better.]
No one does. [He could probably land the role of Live Action Eeyore if he tried hard enough. Tony is very good at hiding his pain through humor and deflection, though. He pushes open the door, expecting AIM operatives to run around like cockroaches but the room is mostly clear save for a single, glowing container. Perfectly ordinary.]
Cap and I aren’t on speaking terms. He’s also a criminal and probably hanging out in Wakanda hating all of the spicy food.
[Get it? Because he’s an old man and needs everything bland?]
[One of them also doesn't have to breathe in the stink of blasted security systems. Give Bruce a second while he coughs.]
Yeah, lot of that going around. [They are not competing for the title of Mopiest Avenger. Cal it a tie. The prize is repression and compartmentalization for everyone.]
Steve's a criminal? Are we talking about the same guy? Tall, blond, built like some comic book artist went overboard designing him? The former capsicle?
[Once it's clear no one is actually going to whip out machine guns or pulse weapons, he edges closer to the door and peers past Tony into the room.]
That’s the guy. He gets into a lot of trouble. Really bad at following the rules. Huh. Do you think your tongue would get stuck to his abs if you licked them?
Asking for a friend.
[And hardcore deflecting. The suit opens a moment later, after the smell dissipates of course, and out comes Tony. The armor closes up behind him.]
As for this place... Horrible style. I mean look at it. Bare, unmotivated design work— Oh, hang on. FRIDAY, scan of the paint.
[The AI complies and the light on the right hand repulsive of the armor shifts to violet, revealing blood splatter and writing in a circular pattern all over the place.]
Your friend's going to have to find that one out without me.
[Tony's got Bruce beat in the deflection olympics. He's got the snark and the wit, but he'll never be as brazen as Tony.]
Okay, I'm not liking this Better Homes & Lovecraft vibe.
[But it's not enough to keep him from picking his way through the debris and into the room, sparing a glance for the central container to ensure it's sealed before making his way over to the wall to peer at the writing.]
I'm not as up on my dead languages as I'd like to be, but this looks like cuneiform, and this over here looks like Greek.
[He has to get closer to try to read it with his glasses and grunts when a small spark of green static flicks at him from midair.]
Did I say this was a bad idea? Because I'm thinking this is a bad idea.
[Tony does love to win. It’s sort of hard wired into his system from the gentle and loving way his father neglected him and cultivated an obsessive need to always one up himself. Too bad Brice won’t be his therapist. There’s so much material.]
You think everything is a bad idea. When have we ever had a bad idea together? When other than that one time.. then those two— handful of times have we ever had a bad idea? Can’t think of one can you? FRIDAY, and help with the translation?
[She informs them in her sassy pants way that there are several languages that match her databases, several more that don’t, but she can infer that all of the languages are saying the same thing: SHE WILL KNOW WHOM TO CHOOSE.]
Oh, pick me!
[Famous last words? Maybe. Because Tony, without his armor, is just life support for his brain... and both are currently laid out on the floor thanks to a larger version of that green static jolting him.]
[Something that’s still groaning isn’t immediately dying, so that has to at least take the edge off of Bruce. Tony stirs, whole body shifting like an infant trying to wake up. His hand lifts, finds Bruce’s shoulder and then the back of his neck and rests there.]
[Sounds more like Tony's going to be arguing in favor of moving some of this stuff to the tower and then, who knows, using it to underpin the creation of a murderous robot army? Extreme can kiss Bruce's ass.]
Come on, up you go. FRIDAY, can you get Tony wrapped up so we can get out of here?
[Damn Banner. Make one murderous robot and suddenly that’s all you’re known for?]
Why are we leaving?
[Ah. Question for the ages. And one not answered because Tony’s wrapped up in his suit and whisked off, towards he Tower. Guess that means you’re stuck with Uber again, Banner. Or. You know. Be responsible and wait for SHIELD or the Accord abiding Avengers to come and seal this place up. Either way, Tony will be rummaging through his kitchen when you decide to head over. He’s evidently forgotten that he’s mostly moved out of this place.]
[The whisking actually leaves Bruce turning in helpless circles for a few seconds because what he wants to do is get out of there like now, like yesterday, like to have never been here in the first place. What he does is place a call to SHIELD and gets a ride back to the tower in one of their blacked-out SUVs once enough hard-eyed men and women have cordoned off the whole block.
You know, Fiji's nice this time of year. How hard could it be to get there with no resources he hasn't borrowed from a rich friend? Thoughts of Fiji aside, he still ends up at the tower, where FRIDAY kindly lets him know where to find his friend.]
Hey, how's the head and... [Squinting.] ...what are you looking for?
[Tony’s smile is deceptive, it doesn’t hit his eyes. There’s not somewhat cruel north there born from knowing he’s better than the vast majority of people. Smarter and richer too.]
You maybe? I suppose you do not usually reside in such small spaces. But now that you are here, I think that, yes. It was you that I was seeking.
[And Tony is going to smile that weird smile again, as if nothing at all is wrong and he’s a terrible actor with camera fright. He’ll just let Banner lead the way, and not because he doesn’t know the way, even if it seems like that. He’s very normal. More than normal. So normal it hurts.]
How are my neurons? They feel perfectly all right. Perhaps a little numb.
[Joke? Loki? Wanda Maximoff showing she’s still on the dark side? Something like the Tesseract maybe? All thoughts running through his head when Tony says that last.]
Good question. Why don’t you just lie down over on this table and we’ll get a scan going.
[He didn’t choose this table in particular because it can extrude restraints with a button push. Nor is he heading over to this screen to start putting in an override so Tony can’t order FRIDAY to unlock him. Nope. All totally above board and innocent here.]
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somekindofsock) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2017-12-08 04:08 pm
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[Nope, not answering that.]
The blue prius with a hula Jesus on the dash if that helps. I think half of New York is blue priuses now. What happened while I was gone? Did Toyota stage a coup in Detroit?
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[Oh look. And there’s Iron Man, waving like an idiot next to a massive crater that may or may not be fire related.]
Hey Banner. One sec before we go down into the cool enemy science base.
Who’re you kissing?
[Should have answered vis text.]
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I... uh...
[You know what else sucks about tight jeans? Can't tuck a phone into them without feeling like you need to readjust for circulation again. Can't readjust for circulation when Iron Man's waiting for an answer. Just gonna... lamely hang on to that phone.]
If I have to explain the joke, it's not funny anymore.
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Sure it is. We all want a chance to laugh, Banner.
[Do you know what it’s like to be a genius and out of the loop? Oh. Don’t answer that if you’ve suffenly gained telepathy, Doc.]
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This, however, is just awkward and he can only sigh and rub a hand over his face.]
You said that you would have done things if I'd said what I said about Barton to your face. I said I couldn't take getting kissed again so soon.
Do I really have to explain the joke?
[If he ever gains telepathy, he's getting back on that Asgardian ship and launching himself toward the nearest black hole.]
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Oh.
[You are a precious, precious man, Banner. That twinkle in Tony’s jaded eye proves it.]
Different double consonant than what I was initially thinking. Good. I thought I was about to be told that there’s a Mrs. Banner fresh off of the boat from Asgard. That would have ruined the whole bro thing we have going on. Chicks do that.
[Do not bring up Pepper. Do not bring up Pepper. Also, don’t launch yourself into a black hole even if that would be really scientifically interesting considering you can’t ever die.]
Plus, I didn’t get a wedding present. Hope you brought gloves. Hang on, we’re going down.
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I did meet a Valkyrie, but it's not that kind of thing.
[Not touching the Pepper subject. Not going near it with a ten foot pole. It's enough to know she's not dead. They can repress together.]
Hey, wait. [But no. They're going down and he's just going to hang on because falling carries the risk of no more Banner ever. Tony can just talk physics with Hulk and see how that goes.] Shouldn't we wait for someone? SHIELD or something?
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[Oh right. Banner’s been in space with Space Valkyries and Loki for the last two years so he has about zero clues about what’s going on. Welp, good thing they don’t have to pay attention while sitting through some AIM left over experiments uncovered in a totally on purpose fire so they can carry on conversation.]
Wow. You have no idea why Rogers and I divorced and I took the house. Okay. So I was right. And he was a big crybaby. I didn’t over react over his no longer dead Manchuria Candidate friend.
[And that’s all the explanation you’re getting because of ‘met a Valkyrie’ like that’s normal.]
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Huh.
[That blast door barely looks singed and the access pad looks intact, so he's going to stand aside and let the guy with the onboard electronics handle it.]
Anyway, if you're going to keep talking like that, I'm going to need a hint about which encryption method you're using. I've been out of my head for two years and I don't speak fluent Stark anymore.
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No one does. [He could probably land the role of Live Action Eeyore if he tried hard enough. Tony is very good at hiding his pain through humor and deflection, though. He pushes open the door, expecting AIM operatives to run around like cockroaches but the room is mostly clear save for a single, glowing container. Perfectly ordinary.]
Cap and I aren’t on speaking terms. He’s also a criminal and probably hanging out in Wakanda hating all of the spicy food.
[Get it? Because he’s an old man and needs everything bland?]
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Yeah, lot of that going around. [They are not competing for the title of Mopiest Avenger. Cal it a tie. The prize is repression and compartmentalization for everyone.]
Steve's a criminal? Are we talking about the same guy? Tall, blond, built like some comic book artist went overboard designing him? The former capsicle?
[Once it's clear no one is actually going to whip out machine guns or pulse weapons, he edges closer to the door and peers past Tony into the room.]
What do you know about this place?
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Asking for a friend.
[And hardcore deflecting. The suit opens a moment later, after the smell dissipates of course, and out comes Tony. The armor closes up behind him.]
As for this place... Horrible style. I mean look at it. Bare, unmotivated design work— Oh, hang on. FRIDAY, scan of the paint.
[The AI complies and the light on the right hand repulsive of the armor shifts to violet, revealing blood splatter and writing in a circular pattern all over the place.]
Take it back. Neat.
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[Tony's got Bruce beat in the deflection olympics. He's got the snark and the wit, but he'll never be as brazen as Tony.]
Okay, I'm not liking this Better Homes & Lovecraft vibe.
[But it's not enough to keep him from picking his way through the debris and into the room, sparing a glance for the central container to ensure it's sealed before making his way over to the wall to peer at the writing.]
I'm not as up on my dead languages as I'd like to be, but this looks like cuneiform, and this over here looks like Greek.
[He has to get closer to try to read it with his glasses and grunts when a small spark of green static flicks at him from midair.]
Did I say this was a bad idea? Because I'm thinking this is a bad idea.
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You think everything is a bad idea. When have we ever had a bad idea together? When other than that one time.. then those two— handful of times have we ever had a bad idea? Can’t think of one can you? FRIDAY, and help with the translation?
[She informs them in her sassy pants way that there are several languages that match her databases, several more that don’t, but she can infer that all of the languages are saying the same thing: SHE WILL KNOW WHOM TO CHOOSE.]
Oh, pick me!
[Famous last words? Maybe. Because Tony, without his armor, is just life support for his brain... and both are currently laid out on the floor thanks to a larger version of that green static jolting him.]
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Every time I think it's a bad idea, it is.
[But is Tony listening? Of course he isn't.]
She will know... Who's sh--
[Well shit, guess who's gone and done it again? The mystery of the "she" can wait while Bruce hustles over to Tony to check on him.]
Come on, don't ruin my day by dying on me.
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Mmmm... at least this one hasn’t exploded yet.
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[Tony's moving, no sign of spinal injury, so Bruce is getting an arm under him to help him sit up.]
Or we could just fill this place with concrete. I'm actually liking the concrete idea a lot.
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Concrete... That seems a little extreme...
[That sounds weird. Very un-Tony. But get him in the suit. He’s probably got a concussion.]
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[Sounds more like Tony's going to be arguing in favor of moving some of this stuff to the tower and then, who knows, using it to underpin the creation of a murderous robot army? Extreme can kiss Bruce's ass.]
Come on, up you go. FRIDAY, can you get Tony wrapped up so we can get out of here?
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Why are we leaving?
[Ah. Question for the ages. And one not answered because Tony’s wrapped up in his suit and whisked off, towards he Tower. Guess that means you’re stuck with Uber again, Banner. Or. You know. Be responsible and wait for SHIELD or the Accord abiding Avengers to come and seal this place up. Either way, Tony will be rummaging through his kitchen when you decide to head over. He’s evidently forgotten that he’s mostly moved out of this place.]
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You know, Fiji's nice this time of year. How hard could it be to get there with no resources he hasn't borrowed from a rich friend? Thoughts of Fiji aside, he still ends up at the tower, where FRIDAY kindly lets him know where to find his friend.]
Hey, how's the head and... [Squinting.] ...what are you looking for?
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[Tony’s smile is deceptive, it doesn’t hit his eyes. There’s not somewhat cruel north there born from knowing he’s better than the vast majority of people. Smarter and richer too.]
You maybe? I suppose you do not usually reside in such small spaces. But now that you are here, I think that, yes. It was you that I was seeking.
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[Up until that, he’s been thinking it was the zap, but now... he has no freaking idea what to think.]
Why don’t we head down to the lab. Let me give you a looksee and make sure no neurons were harmed in the making of this weird afternoon.
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[And Tony is going to smile that weird smile again, as if nothing at all is wrong and he’s a terrible actor with camera fright. He’ll just let Banner lead the way, and not because he doesn’t know the way, even if it seems like that. He’s very normal. More than normal. So normal it hurts.]
How are my neurons? They feel perfectly all right. Perhaps a little numb.
[And he’s looking st his fingers.]
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Good question. Why don’t you just lie down over on this table and we’ll get a scan going.
[He didn’t choose this table in particular because it can extrude restraints with a button push. Nor is he heading over to this screen to start putting in an override so Tony can’t order FRIDAY to unlock him. Nope. All totally above board and innocent here.]
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